deena goes 2 asylum part 1

...it's feel like a de javu. it's funny dat a year ago,,also around dis month...i thought n wrote bout things dat i'm thinking n writing rite now. maybe i haven't changed after all. well,,things around here surely dun. it's still bout me n u. me chasing u n u running away ? hopefully not dis time :)

2 b honest,,i'm sacred. there is a question dat i have been repeating again n again in my head trough dis day : "will u hate me if i tell u d truth ?" it suddenly hit me when a friend asked me dat. turns out dat i actually still care bout wat do u think bout me,,regardless d fact dat we might not see each other again after dis.

dat fear is growing bigger n bigger,,especially bcoz of dis delay...n at d exact moment i'm writing dis,,it's starting 2 haunt me. i even starting to b obsessed with d meaning of d tic on my left eye *tic is d rite term rite ??* maybe i'm being superstitious but i have experienced many major events...dat re maybe too coincidental 2 b called a coincidence related 2 my tics. turns out dat,,related 2 some sources on d internet...d place where i'm experiencing it plays a huge role on its meaning. stupid me...i seem not able 2 differentiate whether i'm experiencing it on my EYEBALL or EYELID. sounds stupid rite,,dis whole tics thing ?? i think i'm going mad...

i mean...wats d worst thing dat can happen ?? we hardly talk with each other at d present. if wat i'm feared of happen happens...nothing is gonna change. nothing 2 lose. hahaha...i remember i have said it before. i also remember how broken my heart was. so maybe dis fear has a very good reason.

i know i have tried my hardest 2 b called "worthy" 2 stand beside u n i'm happy 2 see wat i have achieved. but when i look at u again,,i can't avoid 2 think dat maybe u deserve better. i know dat there re many girls out there dat re more than just a pretty face. a whole package. hahaha...it's not dat i'm a woman with a low self esteem...well,,most of d time i'm not,,but dats actually wat i feel rite now. maybe dis is just a temporary melancholy bcoz of dis insanity *hmm,,how many times have i said insane...crazy...lunatic...mad ?*

hahaha...dis is pathetic,,i know. i thought i have quit being pathetic. there is no need of reading dis,,i'm just blabbering it. it's my tendency 2 blabber in stress.hahaha...